Sunday, September 20, 2009

Nature Call Me

I miss the trees and how they called me
how the petals formed as figures dancing gracefully

where are you now when I need you most?
my natural love, oh gracious host

spirits dancing in the air
fairies and pixies everywhere

living in the forest where I stand
I am here my friends, at your command

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


Me? I’ve lived my life. I’ve cried my tears. I’ve shed my blood. Still, here lies my curse: I will never know who loved me. I will never know if I ever truly loved another.

I have given it all: I sacrificed, I stole, I cheated and I lied (on all the right occasions). Whatever it took I tried it, yet still I have never known the person who dares to love me as I am. Perhaps my true self is too frightening, even for me. Surely, it is solely my fault, for I am whatever I need to be whenever need be. As you wish, so shall I become. Complacency is such an acceptable form of existence these days, don’t you agree? .

Yet here I am, a full-grown woman. And sometimes I am a man. Maybe I am even a child. Who I want to be in the end is still the question that remains unanswered. Where I want to find my self is still a blur. I have mastered how to help everyone. I have assumed their personality for the sake of balance - what a farce!

You might consider my life as compared to purgatory if you will, or perhaps it is a sanctuary. It is the seclusion (or delusion?) that I have created for myself. I believe this to be another means to protect those that I hold dear to me. You will see me forever longing to receive understanding, yet never achieving the goal of harmony.

You will notice from my writing that I am unstable and a bit unidentifiable. That perspective of me is completely understanding. Yet, in these last few sentences, you can envision me. You will notice dark eyes (a pool of black, really), you will see someone who is willing to care. You will find yourself feeling secure since I will never blame you. Your secrets will be safe with me. What you won’t see is the dark child inside me. She is still the little one who cowers from love. She hides in corners at night for solace and safety. She fantasizes about a less painful existence.

Someday we might really experience me.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Why Are Men Like The Department of Labor?

✗ You are almost always waiting
✗ It takes forever to get an answer
✗ They are never really listening
✗ You know they are going to brush you off
✗ It seems you cannot get your point across
✗ They leave you with a letter
✗ You are f****d in one way or another

Monday, September 14, 2009

A Good Night to Love

The courtyard was illuminated by the moon. A full, proud, Goddess, she provided direction in the darkness. Gazing out of the window, I decide to go for a stroll so that I can fully appreciate what the night has to offer.

The passage to the courtyard is dark and cold. Peering out through the window, I notice a shadow. It did not frighten me, but it aroused me - so lithe while floating near the moonlight. The shadow continued gracefully, nearing the light, then gently floating away. Opening the door, I continue toward the shadow in hopes that I could see more.

The night flowers are dancing. Their honey and lavender scents encompass me. The cool breeze massages my face. I walk out into the courtyard to search for my newfound friend. I captured a glance of her hair in the moonlight. It flowed carelessly around her shoulders, raven locks that reflected the light. She turned to face me from the distance, and I notice her eyes. They glowed, glistening emeralds with a gaze that was as sharp as daggers. I catch a glimpse of her face, pale as death. She turned swiftly and she moved away. I crept up slowly, trying not to lose her again. She turns to look at me again, a smile on her red, glistening, lips. She appeared to be whispering to me, but I could not hear her voice.

I muster up the courage to continue after her, enraptured by her deadening beauty. I breathe heavily, excited to get closer. I want to hold her, this stranger that has captured the night and my passions. I move forward, anxious to see her near me.

She is not far from me now. She beckons for me to get closer. I continue to move in her direction, dazed by the moonlight surrounding her silhouette. It seems endless, this path through the courtyard that leads to her. Finally, I am within her reach. She opens her arms and nods for me to move closer. Gracefully, she reaches for me as I fall over the cliff.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

The Solitary Practitioner?

We are surrounded by hypocrisy. The wrong adults are trying to enforce their personal choices to the public: parents, politicians, the news, and religious sectors.

Parents are restricting teachers from disciplining children, and teachers are fearful to grade a child poorly for fear of losing their jobs. Politicians are losing their perspectives on the smaller picture, which happens to be the majority of our population, and point their fingers toward the wrong directions. News channels giving the audience whatever provides them with the best ratings. Religious sectors discontinue assistance on a spiritual level if you lack the finances to support them. What a world!

Why not concern yourself with the damage you are causing your children? In your ignorance, you blindly provide your children with the power to abuse themselves in this society. You provide the cell phones, the unsupervised computer access, the car, and the money. The so-called "trust.” Stop lying to yourself: it is your fault your child is at risk. It is your responsibility to teach respect. You made the child, and you pay for it!

Sex is everywhere: commercials, billboards, buses, television, schools, even churches. Your 12-year-old has been around the block already. Your votes and your voters are affected by it. The religious sectors have been crucified for it.

Drugs are anything that could manipulate the senses. A new kick is invented every day. Anything can be purchased on line and delivered to your door at a whim. Never mind that, you can use whatever your parents are taking!

Bottom line, folks: if you want to control anything, start at the kitchen table. The two or more people sitting before you need you now. Everybody else is just another perspective that no one really needs to hear.

You should provide your support to the school system. You should involve yourself in the community. You should disregard most of what you see in the news - they only show the negatives anyway. Pray in your own way at home. Religion has lost its focus since the old testament. It’s mostly about cash now.

You should be aware of whom your child hangs with. You should open your eyes and see what is in front of you. You should know that if you don’t see it for what it is, it will backfire. If something happens to you or your family, it is because you did nothing about it.

Practice what you preach - at home.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Dealing with It

She is so painfully transparent - always calling out for attention, craving excitement, forever restless, demanding everyone’s exclusive time. She is always eating. She is always loud.

How does she handle herself? She is angry and lacks patience. She eats food for the sake of comfort, even when she is not hungry. She blames all of her problems on everybody but herself. She complains about helping; she complains about being bored, but she never does anything constructive.

Whom does she share time with? She spends time with anyone who is willing. She judges only those who deny her, yet she accepts all faults if they provide her with attention.

Why do I fear for her? Outside she is angry. She is addicted to attention and love. She does not analyze life realistically. She lacks self-esteem, and she can be easily manipulated. It is a matter of time before she falls; I want to protect her from that possibility.

Why do I love her? Inside her heart is pure. She is lost and alone. She is unique. She is innocent with regard to the realities of life. She needs me.

Parents understand this. Fathers loathe this. Relationships suffer because of this. People fail when they don’t notice this: the paths are set before us, but no one will teach you about the rocks, glass, and storms you have to cross before you reach your goal. They are afraid to tell you they have been there before you. It is a foolish mistake many parents have made. You need to remind yourself and your children that you were once young and that you might be able to provide some insight and some guidance.

You should see the person for what he or she represents. Realize the potential of dreams. Infuse confidence, even when you are scolding. Teach them how to stand on their own two feet again.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

A Woman's Job is Never Done

Having had a bit too much to drink, I fix my gaze on the game that I am playing. I had a long day - laundry, cooking, the dog, the kids. This is my outlet. This is my alone time. How pathetic!

It is late, and he passes me by on his way to the bathroom. Surprised, he thought I was sleeping. He is going to take a shower. Or at least that is what I thought he said. Maybe he asked me to join him?

Curious, I follow him to the bathroom. He smiles as he turns on the shower. He removes his clothes and gets in. I watch him. He stares back. I get the hint . . .

I remove my clothes and I join him in the shower. I soap up the spots that he missed. He moans as I close in on his manhood. I guess my work isn’t over yet . . .

Stroking until he begins to breathe heavy, the showers drowning me as I swiftly kneel before him. Working him until he tenses and he thrusts himself deeply into my mouth. I let his seed seep out of mouth down to my breasts.

I get up from the position I was in. He turns away and he walks out of the shower. I face the shower to wash him away. “Another job well done,” I sigh to myself.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

I have Questions For You

Some say a baby cries when it senses evil.

If that is so, why is it that sometimes a baby cries when given to its parent? Why does a baby cry when a priest gets closer? Why does a baby cry in the church or in the crib?

Could it be that the baby is evil?

Perhaps the baby cannot handle the feelings of love that surrounds it. If that is the case, and the baby is evil, are we to chastise the innocent? The parent that hasn't a clue, the priest that closes in on you when you are most fragile, the church with its hypocrisy. . .

Society is evil.

Newborn babies have heightened senses because they are unable to see clearly and to speak. The newborn baby is unable to walk or to run away. Babies are not subjective, they are not influenced by society. They do not follow any order. Babies cry because they know where they have landed. They are not looking forward to being greeted by society. They would rather go back to where they were.

An idea, an inspiration, or a passing fancy?

Why were you born?

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Home Is Where The Heart Is

You say it is not your fault. You tried to sit with me. You tried to be in my space. You smiled and you asked how I’ve been. You even tried to talk with the kids. Hell, I was really impressed. It just isn’t right, the way things are, and I don’t know how to mend it. The only thing that is true is how you try to give us what we need whenever I demand it. The only thing I have left is the love I freely give to you despite it all.

Children are not given; they are gifts. They did not ask to be born. They count on us for love and support. That is what parents are for. If I made the mistake to give too much, it was to balance that you gave too little. Money is something you work hard for, and you supply us with enough to live. Love is something you should give more, and that is something that you can’t seem to know how to give. Our children are mine from the beginning to the end because you decided it should be that way.

Mates are more than just someone to sleep with. It is more than just providing care and cleanliness. A relationship requires more than reporting and cooking. A woman needs to know she is loved for whom she is, not for what she is giving.

I blame myself for having given, even when I knew I wouldn’t get it back. I blame myself for providing all of the love and attention to our children, because I knew you didn’t know where to begin. You made the effort to establish this home to show that you have a family, and to pretend you had a part in it. If we were burdens to you and you needed your space, you shouldn’t have gotten involved to begin with.

You are to blame for knowing all this and more, because I have stated it year after year. It is too bad you believe we will always be here, because I know you will end up alone. You are alone and you always will be, despite you saying differently.

Of course, it you will blame everyone for their faults, because you provided the home. But a home is more than just a man who lives with a mother and kids - a home is for all to feel loved.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Dead Song

Taking on the darkness
you left me in the ground
feeling the pain inside me
the thorns are all around

I felt the sorrow engulf me
From love there is no escape
You didn’t have a place for us
Still cutting the red tape

I will not embrace hope
I cannot fathom grace
death is not my enemy
the worms caress my face

Hell is where I used to be
I was dying in your arms
What will I do next, you ask?
beguile you with my charms

I walk on instead with my deadly friends
where life is a phase and the spirit is strong
there lies a space that has never been defined
while humming my dead song

Console yourself with maddening memories of self
blame others for all that you lose
Feel no shame for all you took from me
Soon you will pay your dues

Til then, I will lie in your arms
Despair and death entwined
Haunting, daunting, engulfing you
Until you lose your mind